In honour of the fact that we are in China screening the film Zimbelism here is a satirical piece i wrote in 2013 when Xi Jinping became China’s new president.
Hu Xi met at the Party
This past Thursday in Bejing at the 18th national congress of the People’s Republic of China, the party selected a new leader. The out going president Hu Jintao pronounced (who-gin-toa), delivered a one and half hour speech in the Great Hall of the People in which Hu (pronounced “who”) focused on the importance of eradicating corruption. Party delegates clapped enthusiastically, as did the president who (pronounced Hu) can be seen in news footage auto clapping to the rousing lines of his own speech.
The new president, who will take office in March, is the current vice president Xi Jinping pronounced (she-gin-ping).
We take you now to a conversation between two mid level bureaucrats at the cafeteria in the State Department (pronounced Foggy Bottom) in Washington, DC.
So, who’s the new president of China?
No, Hu’s the old president of China.
Oh, who’s the new president of China?
No, I just told you, Hu’s the old president of China.
Yes I know who the old president of China is. What I want to know is who is the new president.
You’re not listening. Hu is the old president of China, Xi is the new president of China.
I can’t believe it, the Chinese appointed a woman as paramount leader of the republic?
Who are you talking about, Xi?
Yeah the woman leader.
Who is the woman leader?
I’m not talking about Hu, I’m talking about Xi…the woman leader.
Xi is not a woman.
Well then what is Xi.
Xi is the vice president.
Well that doesn’t mean Xi is not a she.
Who are you talking about?
I’m talking about the person who will become president.
I thought you just said Hu was no longer president.
Yes, that’s what I said.
No you didn’t. You just said Hu will become president.
Ok to be clear …Xi is the new president, who will take over in March.
Oh I see, kind of like a Putin / Medvedev accelerated commie switcheroo.
Xi is the new president Hu will take over again in March. Got it.
No, you don’t. Xi is the new president elect who will take over in March.